Ouch

I'm not even sure if my thought processes are making any sense...so I doubt they'll make sense to anyone else. Nonetheless, I won't feel better until I get it out of me.

As ridiculous as this sounds now that I'm saying it, I feel like I'm losing my best friends. And yes, I do mean more than one. One is getting married, and I can't seem to pin her down for anything...which is understandable, but she does seem to be able to make time for the other best friend that I live with, who she sees more than I do. Now, I know that recently that has been partly my fault, not seeing my roommate much. But if you felt unwanted, and had another place where you felt wanted, where would you spend your time? Really...I live with my best friend. One of the best I've ever had. And I understand that it's okay for friends to get new friends...but I feel that as she has gotten a couple of new friends, I have been put on the back burner. The only interaction I had with her until yesterday really was her complaining about the apartment or telling me what needed to be done or what I had forgotten to do. Then I waited around until 10 p.m. to hang out with them like I had told them I wanted to, then left to go somewhere people were waiting on me and wanted me around. Maybe I'm just being petty and jealous...but I really feel as though lately, the people I care about most are either looking down their nose at me or ignoring me altogether. Even the guy next door who I thought was a close friend has drifted away...with everyone else. I feel as though I'm the only one left behind. And yes, I have been seeing someone. I know I'm not dating until after Mardi Gras, and we havcn't actually been out on a date yet (or at least we haven't been out without other people). My friends would know all about him...if I felt as though he would be accepted the same way I have been in his circle of friends. Jamie told me yesterday that she would love to spend time with us, and we have made a few plans for this week. Me and Jamie...two of the busiest people I know...making time for one another because we care. That's all I'm asking of my friends: make a little time. I've also had no trouble making time to spend with Amanda lately, even if it's just a couple of hours. Really, I'm not angry...just hurt. I don't want to lose the best friends I've ever had. Even though I'm very thankful to have had the opportunity for the new people in my life to enter in, I don't want to forsake the ones I've always loved for something brand new. I know I've told them this before, and I hope I got my point across...because I seem to be having trouble with that right now. It seems as though maybe my roommate sees, because we had a good phone conversation on Sunday. Maybe after this things will improve. I know I need to just spend time with the new friends and get to know them, but it's kinda hard when I'm not invited. Okay, that was a little bitter. Let's just say, I'm willing to try to make time. I'm just asking that I get some time made for me in return.

Even if this didn't make a bit of sense, it feels good to get it off my chest.