Betterness

Things have gotten way better...I'm really starting to find myself. I'm not sure who this is that I'm finding, but I like her. She's independent and doesn't take crap. I like myself better that way. I've got a bit of a new appearance, and I'm gaining somewhat of an attitude to go with it. Change can be really good. But I'm also developing a bit of a rebellious streak that could be much more of a problem when I head back to school...but we'll deal with that when it arrives.

Depression? Nah.

I just realized how darn depressing this blog is becoming. I guess I tend to write when I'm feeling truly inspired, which, as of lately, has been when I'm upset. I'm usually so carefree and optimistic, so a lot of my emotions lately have felt almost foreign. Soon the posts will get happy...I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...I just hope it's not a train...haha

Merry Christmas what?

Yeah, Merry Christmas...I wish I really meant it.

Things have just been really stupid this week. I mean, some cool stuff has happened; got a bunch of great new clothes shopping with my grandma, got a new haircut, saw a bunch of old friends, etc. But then there's this dark feeling deep inside me...cause of the arguements with my dad. And my boyfriend being stupid and getting drunk and not calling. Stuff like that. And it makes me physically sick, and I've been having really terrible nightmares...stuff that's really not like me. I need to snap out of this fast...before whatever this is really gets me.

Examinations

Do you ever just want to scream and sleep at the same time? Haha, yeah...it's a strange feeling. I think anyone who has had finals can understand what I mean.

Lyrics to feel...

I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomoroow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomoroow
I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real just a dream

- Lifehouse

BLAH!

I am such a selfish individual. I need to quit.

About Fear...

Well, not really fear....more worry...I really worry about this friend of mine, he's really depressed and getting a bit suicidal, and he comes to me to talk sometimes. Then when I tell him how much I care about him he tells me not to, and then tells me to just forget what he said. I told him that I didn't really give a *%&$ what he thought, I was gonna care about him and love him and consider him a friend whether he wanted me to or not. I can't just stop. He's one of my best friends. I really and truly care about him, and worrying about him (and other things) as of lately seem to be making me physically sick. He knows unconditional love, from what he's told me, but he can't seem to fathom that perhaps some of his friends might love him like that. That they might love him despite his shortcomings, despite everything...that they might love him even if he doesn't love them back. He loves someone with so much of himself, someone who doesn't love him back...isn't that the same thing? He's such an amazing person...empathizing really hurts.

Which Princess Bride character am I?

Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

Was there ever really any question??? LOL