Realizations

Things I realized over Thanksgiving break:

• I really do have a lot to be thankful for, and I take it all for granted.
• People change, and that's just life. Your best friend may turn into a complete stranger and you don't even realize it until it's too late. Enjoy people and appreciate them now, today, and don't put them off till tomorrow.
• Even family ties that you think are strong can be broken. People lose sight of what's really important and end up hurting the people who love them the most. Appreciate and love your family, because they won't be around forever.
• Boyfriends/Girlfriends change. If you can't grow and change together, then you will grow apart. That person that you think you still love who now lives far away may have become an illusion that you fabricated, and may be completely different in reality. It's okay to let go of love when it's gone. People change, and life rolls on. Holding on to them when they've moved on is just holding you back.
• People get depressed a lot around Christmas because they feel as though no one loves them, they feel alone, or trapped, or hurt...or whatever. Love someone, somehow this Christmas.
• People will say never live with your best friend. I say, do. You never know who they really are until you live two feet from them...and you learn a lot of things about yourself, too.

So, now that this has turned into "deep thoughts with lauren", it's time to call it a night.

Commentary

Okay, if you comment on my blog, and you're not a member, please sign your name at the bottom of the comment. That is, unless you're a coward, a fake, or not an actual person.

If you wanna know what I'm talking about, read the comments on the post two down from this one. Seriously, there is no way this person knows me, and if they do, then they should tell me junk like that to my face. Honestly...people who do know me, have I ever, and I mean EVER, gone after someone else's guy? Particularly, have I ever RELENTLESSLY PERSUED someone who was with someone else? I think I possess a bit more logic than that. I haven't actively persued a guy in quite a while, actually...I had been just letting them come to me, and now I'm stopping that too for a while. So, not to sound arrogant, but I'm much better than that.

Whoever wrote that is the one who's pathetic.

But hey, thanks for giving me something interesting to write about. You should call into the radio show I produce so the host can tell you that you're an idiot, cause that can be pretty fun and makes for great promos.

Post post post

I haven't posted in a while, so I thought I should.

So here I am...posting.

It's Renee's Birthday, so a BIG SHOUTOUT to her! HAPPY 21st!!!

I wrote two really long, really awesome posts last week, but one I accidentally erased before I could post it, and the other one never posted. Crazy, eh? I thought so. Anyway, that's why I've been so jaded and haven't posted in a long while.

Things are good. Not dating for a while is quite possibly one of the best ideas I've ever had...and Chris is quite possibly the best enforcer of that I could have asked for. The posts I wrote were about how awesome this is and how much God is teaching me through it. I'm going through the Bible study Authentic Beauty too during my "dating fast", and it is FANTASTIC, all about finding your true Prince, and how that is the only way you'll be fulfilled, and once you have a true romance with the One who gave it all for you, then you can find a prince here on earth. It's a fantastic book. I cried through the entire first 2 chapters...mostly because I felt like she was talking about me. This book has been the only Bible study that I have ever felt talked to me directly like that. Really, it has already been amazing. I'm really excited about it.

My weekend...Friday night I went to see "Saw" with my friend Brandon, and it was AWESOME!!! Intense, suspenseful, gruesome, violent, frightening, deep, thought-provoking, horriffic...how many other words can I think of to describe it? I mean, a truly amazing psychological thriller. A must-see, says Lauren! ;-)

Saturday was work, then the game, then hanging out at Chris and Jesse's for Renee's birthday...sorta. We sat around and played Catch Phrase, and there was a really interesting saga involving Cal, Renee', Rebekah, Chris, and a chocolate cake. All in all a fantastic weekend, since in between churches on Sunday all Renee' and I did was sit around and eat icecream and watch "The Whole Nine Yards." It was really awesome to get a break.

Okay, about to get ready for soccer...or maybe take a nap before soccer...lol.

And so she waited, and waited, and waited...

Well, due to my recent mishaps with those of the male persuasion, Chris, Renee' and I have come to an agreement that I should swear off boys for a while. That means that until Mardi Gras, and until I finish going through Authentic Beauty, I am not dating. Anyone. Period. And really, I need this... there are a lot of things I need to work on within myself right now, and anyway, God has basically told me that I can't be with "the one" until I shape up, because as of right now I'd screw it up too bad. So I'm ready to stop messing around. For the next few months I'm not going to date (which I realized today that by Chris and Renee's description that's going to be pretty hard...meaning finding a group of people to go see "Saw" since I can't go alone with a guy...and Christmas is coming up and people are getting lovedrunk...and then there's Valentine's Day...*sigh*) I really think it will be a great experience for me, and rather than keeping me from love I think it will help me find it. I think that because I'm doing this I won't "miss the boat", because A) I definately won't be wasting my time with guys who don't count, B) if I meet a guy who wants to date me and will wait until after Mardi Gras then I know he's more than likely worth it, and C) This will give me the time I need to really become the woman God wants me to be for the man I'm supposed to be with...or at least get a little further in that path before I meet him. So, until Mardi Gras, I'm single for real this time. I've really pissed off a couple of guys in the past week because I turned them down despite their valiant efforts (one saying the "L" word, one offering to fill my car up with gas if I come see him), and this will be a legitimate, tangible reason to give that shouldn't anger anyone worth anything. So yeah, wish me luck in my efforts, and if you're a guy, you have to go through Chris to hang out with me for now, because he decides who the accepted list of male friends is...yeah, hahaha, he's the "enforcer". He speaks softly and carries a large stick...and by stick I mean gun. :-)

And then there was....silence

Something about my life is really strange...you'd think that I would be the one to know what was going on, but right when I figure it out, it goes and pulls a complete 180 on me and I'm all confused again. For instance, take the last week:

So, there's this guy I really like. I was pretty sure he was feelin' it too, but here lately, I'm just not getting the vibes. But that's cool, cause everyone knows that despite my boy craziness, I am not looking for a relationship, much less do I need one. So his apparent lack of interest at the moment could be for the best.

But, then, the plot thickens.

There's a guy from the past who shows up Tuesday. Well, I say he showed up, but he's been calling for a few weeks wanting to come see me. Anyway, this guy, we'll call him "the Baritone", apologizes for everything he's ever done (and if you know anything about the past year, you know what I mean) and tells me that he'll do anything to regain my trust and be with me. I tell him that I don't think I can trust him...but I might be willing to give him a chance. Well, he comes over with some other friends last night to eat the food I cooked and play some poker (which I won and took everyone's chips!!! bwahaha!!!) and afterward, we went outside to talk. Well, after much deliberation, I came to a very sudden conclusion: there is nothing he could do to make me trust him. At least, nothing I know of. And me liking someone else, even if I don't do anything about it ever, is still not fair to him. So, mostly because of the trust issue, I told him I couldn't do it, I couldn't let him persue me. Then he tells me that he understands, and I'm making a mature decision....oh, but there's more:

Then he tells me that he loves me.

So yeah, that had a bit of an effect on me, considering I haven't heard that from a guy in a long long time, and I certainly have never heard anything of the sort from him. But, to me, that's not enough. How do I know that's not just another lie?

So things were pretty much swimming around in my head last night...just a lot of interesting stuff going on up there.

As for today, I'm fine. I really think so. You know why? Because:

1) This morning Clay had an exclusive interview that I set up all by myself. Norma McCorvey, formerly Jane Roe of the historic Roe v. Wade, was on during the 8 o'clock hour of the show. She has since become pro-life and is fighting to get the verdict overturned and outlaw abortion. It was an absolutely amazing interview, and she was such a sweet lady! I've got to send her a thankyou card. www.roenomore.com

2) Right now, I'm running the board on Rock 93.7, something I've been wanting to do. I also talked to Jeff today, and he's going to get me started voicetracking on B103, which means I'll actually be on an FM station! Woohoo! Also, he seemed as though he liked the idea of me one day hosting my own show on WIBR if I can get a sponsor and of course, make some money. So, that's looking up. http://www.rock937.com, http://1300wibr.com, http://b103.fm

3) Tonight I get to SWING DANCE!!! Yuh. Nuff said.

Alright, g/g do important stuff. Like push buttons and record JJ's remote...you know, he's really starting to grow on me. I don't even mind him calling me cupcake...okay, at least not as much. Haha. Peace yo.

I need rocks!

Boys are stupid...throw rocks at 'em.

Man, I can't believe I just got on and used up an entire post just to say that. But that's really all I have to say...at least about that.

Time to make this post have a purpose.

Today I did my news package on the new initiative "Operation Callin' Baton Rouge", a local effort of the national program "Cell Phones for Soldiers." A couple of pre-teens started this organization to enable soldiers in Iraq to call home. To donate your old cell phone, to make a monetary donation, or for more information, check it out at www.cellphonesforsoldiers.com. It's really a great cause, and I hope to have them on the morning show I produce soon to give them a little added exposure in Baton Rouge for their cause. The kids have a goal of like 9 billion dollars to raise to send calling cards to soldiers. Here at LSU, you can drop of old cell phones all over campus, and you can deposit monetary donations into a Campus Federal account that was set up for the organization. So yeah, everyone should support this cause it kicks butt. Yeah.

Like a new coat of paint

My blog had looked the same for so long (pretty much since I got it) I decided it needed a little revamping. So, I picked a new template, and in return, it deleted the links I had to other people's blogs. So, I gotta remember how the HTML was to put them back in...*sigh* Anyway, pretty, huh? I thought so.

I've been in quite the "revamping" mood I guess. I've been cleaning the apartment like a madwoman...but hey, if you're gonna go crazy, at least make it productive crazy. Ha.

Elections, Clinton, French Maids and Navy Men

Tuesday was, of course, election day. And Bush, of course, kicked John Kerry's ugly ass all the way back to his ketchup-made mansion. But our election coverage was oh so much more than that. I got a phone call while setting up interviews (since I was one of the producers on hand and matt was running the board) that someone was trying to contact us to get former President Clinton on. I said, hey, umm, are you sure this is for real? Jeff said, no, I don't want it even if it is real. I told him I was going to call the people back and see. Turns out, it was the real thing, and I SET UP AN INTERVIEW WITH PRESIDENT CLINTON. Kick major tail. I put Pres. Clinton on and Clay interviewed him for a whopping 12 MINUTES. Crazy, eh? Yeah, we've definately been recycling that audio!!! It gets better. Richard Strauss, my contact with Pres. Clinton, called me to follow up on Thursday, and said if I ever need a guest to give him a call. Turns out his company represents a lot of people. You can check his biz out at straussradio.com.

Then last night was Rebekah's murder mystery birthday party, The Railburn Affair. I was Maria, the South American (french?) maid who was dating the bartender (Chris) but sleeping with Mr. Railburn (who was murdered) in order to advance my career and get into Hollywood. Renee' went as Lolita, the "lady of the night" (aka hotel prostitute, lol). It was sooo much fun. In the end, it turned out that Josh Railburn (the gay son, played by Josh Carroll who is definately engaged to Bekah but sure did well pretending to be gay) was the murderer. After the game, we all went to see "The Incredibles" (yes, still in costume). I'll definately link to the pics from the party as soon as Jesse posts them.

This morning I get a phone call at 8:45 a.m. It was my navy guy, and he was going to be in town for only about an hour because his mom had told him not to stop so he'd be halfway to SC by dark. (She's crazy.) So I crawled out of bed and threw on some clothes so I could meet him at the union. His visit was rather uneventful, due to the fact that it was too short to be anything really. It was crazy to see him after about 5 or 6 months of wondering why I still had feelings for him. Well, anyway, we went back to the apt. and pulled Renee' out of bed and had a "party" in the living room and all the other roommates woke up and came in there too. Then after about 20 minutes he had to leave, so I took him back to the union. It was strange, because we were both acting as if all this junk between us had never happened, like it was the same as when he was playing soccer with us before we started dating and we used to just hang out all the time. Also, he had gotten 2 tattoos...all military guys seem to get them, but come on; he got them when he came down here. One Sunday, one Monday. Meaning he came down here okay and then he defaced himself before he came to see me. I don't know...tattoos aren't bad, but I don't really like one of his, and it just seemed...really impulsive. Like the old guy who used to make me so angry with his impulses, his laziness, his forgetfulness, his blatant disregard. Then I realized that I have been in love with an illusion the whole time, and that hurts worse than anything. I'm ready to move on with my life, for real this time. No more games. If he comes around again eventually, maybe in a few years, and has actually become a man, then who knows. But until then, as far as romance goes, he and I will not be. I think I already knew before he got here that I was going to be moving on, just because of other things going on that have made my attentions shift without me even realizing it. And I need to be open to the fact that there may be someone else. I need to be single for a while and clear my head, which shouldn't be too hard considering that anyone I would consider dating isn't ready to date me either...and that's totally okay with me.

Vote or swim with da fishes

So yeah, I'm officially sick and tired of the incompetency of the state of Alabama. Idiots never did send me an absentee ballot even though I sent in my application over 3 weeks ago AND called them last week to make sure they had one on the way. So that means I'm driving to Mobile tomorrow. Should be fun, if I am accompanied by Charles, and maybe even Adam...wow, I'm almost excited. This could turn out not so terrible. I just wish I weren't missing so darn much class for it.

Oh, and the fish didn't show. So, I'm no closer to figuring things out than I was yesterday. I told Charles today that I didn't care and threw my hands up in the air. I told him that it didn't matter and I was just going to go on with my life. Charles laughed at me, because both he and I know that I was being completely full of it.

Also, tomorrow is election day, meaning full election coverage, meaning I get to go to work in the morning, drive to mobile, vote, drive back, then go back to work that night. Ah, isn't life grand.

And now, I sleep while I still can.